The other day I was talking to my dad and he asked for an update on my pain and how I’m managing. I filled him in on all the new modalities I’ve been adding, in addition to my regular physical therapy, I now see a pelvic floor physical therapist, I’ve started hypnotherapy, and most recently I’ve been working with an acupuncturist. I have never been one to shy away from trying new things in the name of wellness, and so I told him everything. My boomer dad (sorry dad, if you’re reading this) said, “oh, you’re wellnessmaxxing.”
I genuinely didn’t know the man knew what the “-maxxing” trend was. But there he was, and honestly it left me thinking for days.
I definitely do the most in the name of wellness — and while that is something I’m proud of, it can also be quietly discouraging. Because despite all of it, I’m still in pain most days. I still carry the emotional weight of not fully knowing what’s wrong with me.
I was talking about it with my husband this morning. I’d woken up on the wrong side of the bed and he asked where the pain was — but that’s the thing. It’s not really about where the pain is, or what number I’d give it on a scale. It’s about the fact that the pain is ever-present. It’s not one specific thing but a multitude of things going “wrong” in my body, and I put wrong in quotes intentionally, because I know my body is perfect because it’s mine. I accept what I cannot change, including the rods and screws that keep my spine straight.
When I explained this to my husband he said, “oh, it’s like whack-a-mole.” And that’s exactly how it feels. I nail down the shoulder and rib pain and then the glute pain flares up, which traces back to limited mobility, and the pattern just continues. I often think it would be easier to have one diagnosis, one thing to focus on — but the reality is it’s the totality of my body, and I constantly feel like I need to stay one step ahead of it. That is exhausting.
My therapist recently brought up the idea of “managing” pain rather than fighting it, and I’ve done a lot of reflection on that. I really have shifted my relationship with pain — I try to approach it with curiosity now, to resist the pull toward a negative mindset, especially because I believe so much physical pain has an emotional component. But sometimes you just want your body to work. You want to be active, to feel capable, and when that isn’t available to you, things get a little blue.
I’m trying to let myself have the blue days when I need them. But the wellnessmaxxing is hard in its own way — it can make me feel like I’m doing everything and nothing at the same time. The body is a mystery to all of us, but it’s one I would really like to solve, at least when it comes to my own. Every time I feel like I’ve found a piece of the puzzle, something else surfaces. I keep chasing a kind of perfection I already know doesn’t exist.
Tips for the “Wellnessmaxxer”
1. Build your team and don’t be afraid to rebuild it. Finding the right doctors, PTs, and specialists is hard. The right provider isn’t just someone who’s technically good at their job — it’s someone you can be fully honest with about what your days actually look like. Don’t settle for a practitioner you feel like you have to perform okayness for. The right ones exist. Keep looking.
2. Perfection doesn’t exist, and your off weekend is not a setback. Forgot your mobility work for three days? Skipped the breathwork? It happens. Being hard on yourself about it doesn’t just feel bad, it actually makes the physical symptoms worse. Progress in chronic pain management is not linear and it was never going to be.
3. Let yourself have the bad days. Pain fluctuates. That’s just the reality of living in a body that’s doing its best. Resisting a hard day, trying to logic your way out of it, pushing through when you really need to rest, yeah none of that helps. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is let yourself exist in it without making it mean something about your progress.
4. Stay curious and keep trying new things. Meditation, mindfulness, therapy, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, pain medication — I have tried a lot of things. Some landed, some didn’t. But every single one taught me something about my body I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. Wellnessmax with genuine curiosity rather than desperation, and you’ll be surprised what you find.